"The Talk"

The dreaded "Talk."
It's enough to incite every ouce of anxiety in a parent, right?

Well, we had "The Talk" with Mark on Sunday night.
Ryan and I thought the time was right because Mark will be entering 5th grade next year. And he will be attending public school. Plus he has lots of guy-friends on his football team and in his wrestling club. With all these other influences, we wanted to make sure WE were the ones to tell him the details, before he heard a distorted version from his friends. And we suspected that once we started probing, we'd find out that he already knew more about the topic than he'd let on.

Sure enough, as we began the conversation by asking questions, Mark spilled the snippets of info he'd heard from friends here and there. It wasn't much, considering the conversation that unfortunately permeates average boys' dialogue these days. But, it was still more than we'd realized he had ingested. So, we took the opportunity to fill in the gaps and explain things the way we wanted him to hear it.

Surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as horrible or terrifying or weird as I had envisioned all these years. When Ryan and I approached it in a very casual, informative way, it helped Mark to stop writhing on the floor with fits of nervous laughter, and he was able to look at us face to face and finish the conversation very comfortably. Of course, I'll never forget his initial response: "Eew! Why would anyone wanna do THAT!?!"

It ended up being a very sweet, special conversation. And we were super proud of some of the wise conclusions he drew without our intervention. An example is when we explained to him the way many guys in our culture view sex. They think it makes them cool and macho if they've been with several girls. Right away, Mark looked horrified and said, "But, that's cheating!" To which we responded, "Yes. That's cheating on your future wife." We discussed the importance of choosing your dates wisely; girls that hold the same values as you and have a common desire for purity. Again, he thrilled us when he decided that he wanted to start praying for his future wife, that she will make right choices, just like he is going to do. What a sweetie!

After it's all said and done, I think we accomplished our goal: to explain the basic mechanics of how it works, to reiterate that it's God's plan for marriage, and to reaffirm the fact that when people don't remain within God's rules for sex, they open the door to ugly consequences. Now, I'm pretty confident that when he hears kids make ignorant comments on the topic, he will be equipped with the truth. I also realize that this conversation isn't the big climax that I thought it would be! It's simply a stepping stone. A prerequisite to many more conversations. And hopefully he will always remember that he can talk to us about ANYthing! Lastly, we drilled into his head that he may NEVER tell his friends or siblings about the things we had just discussed. It is the job of each parent to engage their own child in "The Talk."

Phew! One kid down...2 more to go...