When Old Hurts Resurface...

What do you do with pain that you thought you'd overcome long ago? 

Every once in awhile, pain rears its head and tears open wounds that you had so carefully tended until they had scabbed over.

The kind of pain that has resurfaced today is the loss of a dear friendship. I'm not trying to be cryptic here. In fact, the friends I'm referring to will most likely know that they are the subject of today's writings. And I'm okay with that. None of this should come as a surprise to them: I've been pretty honest about my feelings.

The thing is, I had loved these dear friends and spent a lot of time with them. I shared deep thoughts and feelings with them. We celebrated special moments together. Trust developed when difficult circumstances arose.

In my mind, this kinship was lifelong. 

I sometimes ventured to say they were my best friends. (Although, looking back, I realize they never reciprocated that title).

Then suddenly it all stopped. I'm still not quite sure why. It may always be a mystery. But little by little, I started to realize that there was no effort coming from that side of the friendship. No effort to spend time together. No effort to keep up with the important things in each other's lives. We drifted apart, but I was the only one who seemed to care. 

Why did it hurt me so badly? Well, I guess it's like this... 

When you care so much about friends, the loss of their companionship is awfully painful. 

Why weren't they affected by the same loss? Well, in my estimation, the friendship must not have meant the same thing to them as it did to me. Ouch! That's a tough one to swallow.

Did my hurt lessen as I eventually observed these friends repeat the same sequence with others? Not really. It's not fun watching people  either scratch their heads in confusion or deal with awful disillusionment. 

I've definitely moved on. After mourning this loss for awhile, I began to seek out friendships with people who are willing to give equal effort to the relationship. Wow! What a difference that makes!

So, what about when old wounds resurface, reminding me of this painful split? Well, the pain definitely catches me by surprise, because I worked hard to get over it long ago. But when old hurts return, I suppose it becomes a mental battle at that point. 

So, here is what I choose to do. 

I choose to love these dear old friends. I still believe they are very special people. And I choose to hope for the best for them.

Then I choose to put my energy into new relationships that add such richness to my life! I am now extra grateful for true, lifelong friends. 

Moral of the story: Not all friendships are forever. But when you do find that true, lifelong friend -- never take them for granted!