When Old Hurts Resurface...

What do you do with pain that you thought you'd overcome long ago? 

Every once in awhile, pain rears its head and tears open wounds that you had so carefully tended until they had scabbed over.

The kind of pain that has resurfaced today is the loss of a dear friendship. I'm not trying to be cryptic here. In fact, the friends I'm referring to will most likely know that they are the subject of today's writings. And I'm okay with that. None of this should come as a surprise to them: I've been pretty honest about my feelings.

The thing is, I had loved these dear friends and spent a lot of time with them. I shared deep thoughts and feelings with them. We celebrated special moments together. Trust developed when difficult circumstances arose.

In my mind, this kinship was lifelong. 

I sometimes ventured to say they were my best friends. (Although, looking back, I realize they never reciprocated that title).

Then suddenly it all stopped. I'm still not quite sure why. It may always be a mystery. But little by little, I started to realize that there was no effort coming from that side of the friendship. No effort to spend time together. No effort to keep up with the important things in each other's lives. We drifted apart, but I was the only one who seemed to care. 

Why did it hurt me so badly? Well, I guess it's like this... 

When you care so much about friends, the loss of their companionship is awfully painful. 

Why weren't they affected by the same loss? Well, in my estimation, the friendship must not have meant the same thing to them as it did to me. Ouch! That's a tough one to swallow.

Did my hurt lessen as I eventually observed these friends repeat the same sequence with others? Not really. It's not fun watching people  either scratch their heads in confusion or deal with awful disillusionment. 

I've definitely moved on. After mourning this loss for awhile, I began to seek out friendships with people who are willing to give equal effort to the relationship. Wow! What a difference that makes!

So, what about when old wounds resurface, reminding me of this painful split? Well, the pain definitely catches me by surprise, because I worked hard to get over it long ago. But when old hurts return, I suppose it becomes a mental battle at that point. 

So, here is what I choose to do. 

I choose to love these dear old friends. I still believe they are very special people. And I choose to hope for the best for them.

Then I choose to put my energy into new relationships that add such richness to my life! I am now extra grateful for true, lifelong friends. 

Moral of the story: Not all friendships are forever. But when you do find that true, lifelong friend -- never take them for granted!

Sunday we attended Mark's very first Rugby Tournament in Sycamore, IL. The Ospreys are a brand new team. And none of the players have played before. So, when Mark and his teammates came up against the other (more experienced) teams, there was no contest. But I'm so proud of them for doing their best and playing their hearts out! The only way to learn and improve is to get out there and play.

Luckily, this tournament did not count as a season game. So, with clean records, these boys are going to practice hard this week and be as ready as possible to take on their first official opponent. Go Ospreys!

(Here we see Reese and Rina trying to stay warm from the chilly wind. They were eating sandwiches and playing video games under those blankets. Too cute!)

Observing the Female Specimen

Our eldest son turned 14 this year. And, boy! This teenage phase is brand new territory for us as parents! 

He's rapidly growing in personality, worldview, and physical appearance. 

As a kid, he has always been a daddy's boy. Going to concerts, watching movies, playing video games, following sports, etc. His attention has always been riveted on his hero dad!

But, one of the changes I've noted lately is the way he seems to observe me! It's almost as if he's noticing me as a woman for the first time. I'm not just Mom anymore. I'm a woman. And I sometimes catch him watching me as if I'm a strange specimen. 

Part of growing up is understanding girls. Figuring out how to talk to them. How to relate to them. 

And in his observation, he has been asking me questions that he never considered before. Like, "Mom, why are you moody today?" Or, "why do you exercise so hard?" He humorously admitted that he now understands what it means when he sees me taking extra naps, wearing sweatpants and acting crabby for a few days each month. (Yes, that is how he described it! I almost spit my coffee out when he said it!) On the occasion when I go on an emotionally charged rant, he now simply shakes his head instead of taking it personally. He tells me I look nice when I've gotten dressed up for an event. He better understands when I need a date night to connect with Dad. He has even started offering to help me lift heavy things or warm the car for me when it's cold outside.

He is noticing me as a woman, rather than just Mom. And I think that must be part of growing up. 

I'm so grateful that he has a great Dad to observe as well! His dad treats his woman with care, thoughtfulness, and lots of humor. He works hard for his family and puts our needs before his own. I honestly can't think of a better example for my son to learn from.

As parents, we also make lots of mistakes! And to our dismay, the kids observe those too. But, that's real life. The value lies in how we handle those mistakes, right?

No doubt, this season will help our kid be a great spouse someday. Well...at least an understanding one.  Sweatpants and all...

Now that's REAL marriage!

A friend posted this today. Amazing.

1. Marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Because every marriage is made up of two sinners. (Romans 3:23)
2. At some point, you will have to learn that life isn’t all about you. (Philippians 2:3)
3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (um…all of Song of Solomon)

4. Don’t give up. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13)
5. He wants a kind wife, not a maid or another mother. Be nice. (Galatians 5:22-23)
6. Give your husband the gift of your respect. He needs it more than you know. (Ephesians 5:33)
7. Be mindful of your expectations.
8. Honor the Lord above all things. Colossians 3: 17
9. Find your worth and security in the Lord, and don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs.
10. Be very careful about reading romance novels, they set you up for an unrealistic view of romance.
11. Real romance is finding that one spot in the crook of his arm to snuggle into, that shared look over the dinner table when the kids are acting crazy, and the way he fixes the leaky sink when he is dog-tired after work.
12. Love is about relationship. The more I love my husband, and seek a relationship with him, the less critical and duty-bound I become. It is similar to my relationship with God.
13. Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.
14. Don’t compare!! Don’t buy into the game of comparing him with anyone else’s husband.
15.The Biblically “normal” marriage is filled with joy, connection, laughter, and peace. It’s not free of hurt feelings and conflict, but they know how to process their pain with one another so that they live more often in a meadow than at the scene of a train wreck. This is not the average marriage, but it normal – -because it is a visible display of Jesus’ relationship with His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33).
16. Your marriage is a testimony! “The #1 evangelistic tool in America (the world) today is a successful marriage, because it’s a living miracle!” – Dr. Joe Aldrich, former president of Multnomah Bible College.
17. Pray for your marriage. Pray hard.
18.I’ve heard that is gets better with age. I have to say in my short {13 year} experience, that is so true.
19. Where there is God, there is always hope. Even for the most broken marriages. “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
20.Marriage is commitment and sacrifice. But it’s also the best, most wild ride you will ever have with your best friend.

-Joy from Grace Full Mama

We celebrated Reese's 10th birthday at Brunswick Zone!!! We invited his 3 best buddies (Josh, Marshall & Mason) and had so much fun playing arcade games and playing laser tag. Reese got a gift card to Game Stop, a Star Wars lego kit, and a puppy Dream Lite. Happy Birthday Reese!!!

"2nd Graders Talk Politics"

(Driving home from school)

Rina: Mommy, who are you gonna vote for? Rock Obama or the other guy? I can't remember his name. 

Me: You mean Mitt Romney?
Rina: Yeah, Mitt Romney. I don't want to vote for Rock Obama. 

Me: Why not?

Rina: Jessica said he's gonna make people pay too much money. Like, maybe $360 or something. 

Me: Wow. That's interesting!

(Whoever Jessica is, I guess it's pretty clear which way her family plans to vote! Lol)

Tough Love...

Dear Mark: Today we had to show you "tough love." And it was very hard to do.

Your History project was due last Friday. You know, the same project that you've had all quarter to complete. The same project that we've frequently reminded you to work on, spacing your time wisely.

But, like many kids your age, you procrastinated. You spent weeks wasting away your afternoons with playing video games. You waited until the night before it was due to tackle this beast. It took you until 1:30am before you finally had it done. Well, mostly.

Friday morning you brought your report to school on a flash drive, and you asked your study hall teacher to allow you to print it off. But, study hall ended before you could print the entire thing. So, you brought what you had to History class and turned in an incomplete project.

Today (Monday) you printed off the rest. And then you asked your History teacher if you could still submit the remaining printouts. He reluctantly allowed you to add them to the stack. That is when you noticed a very poor grade written on top of your packet. You suddenly realized you had also failed to turn in a packet along with your report. 

All that last minute rushing around had ultimately led to your making lots of mistakes, forgetting pieces of the project, and ultimately earning a bad grade.

Here is where the tough love comes in.

You came home with a sad expression and feeling very stressed out. Why? Because we had already told you that if you do not earn an A in the class (due to missed or late work), we will take away your video games until you bring that grade back up...no matter how long it takes.

Tough love says, I know you are stressed and very sorry for your mistake. But your punishment still stands.

Tough love says, it is worth teaching you this painful lesson for the future. More important, in fact, than making you happy today.

Someday you'll look back on this entry and hopefully appreciate our decision to show you tough love. We do love you so very much. We know you'll do better next time, buddy. We really do.