"Mean Mommy"... Update

OK, so I am so grateful for family that can tell it straight. Particularly my sis-in-law who has 3 boys of her own...and has gone through this age already with 2 of them. I gave her a call today, because I didn't know who else to turn to. All my friends, as helpful and loving as they are, are still in the toddler stage of parenting. And those I have reached out to about my current concerns look at me like I'm crazy. And it makes me feel like a rotten mother for even going thru this in the first place! But, I have to remind myself that someday those women will too experience their own precious little guys suddenly develop a mind of their own, and a lip to match! So, knowing that my sis-in-law has walked this road before me, I called her up for advice.

And, let me say, I received much more than I expected! Not only did she reassure me that Mark is not the first kid to go through this stage of arguing with Mom and Dad...but she also helped me to see how I was feeding the problem. I won't get into it all now...but it was truly amazing to draw from someone else's experiences, and to learn how I can be a better parent. Mark is a great kid. He is very obedient when it comes to task oriented instructions. But the trouble comes when we are discussing a 'situational' issue. That's where he wants to talk over us, tell us how our idea won't work, etc, etc. So, here are the things I can do to keep control of those situations: ultimately, I need to be more selective as to when and where I start a discussion. (In the morning, while we were rushing out the door was not a good choice, even though that's when the issue was on my mind). I need to withold my own advice on issues (as tempting as it may be to barge in and give it...), and just wait for him to come and ask for it. And when he does come to me with a problem, I need to calmly say, "Mark, are you asking for my advice, or do you just need me to listen?" And then if he says he wants my advice, I need to let him know I will give it, but then he needs to take it! No arguing. And if arguing begins, I need to stop the conversation right away, take a break, and resume only when he is ready to speak respectfully. Boy! How I blew it today! I didn't follow even ONE of those rules! But, thank God for grace and 2nd chances! When I picked up Mark from school today, right away he gave me a hug (a split second one...but a hug nonetheless), and said he was sorry for this morning. Wow! That meant he had been thinking about it all day too! I had to ask his forgiveness as well. I made lots of mistakes in our conversation today. I let him know how things are going to change...on both ends! I'm not going to allow him to speak disrespectfully anymore. But I also will try harder to listen, instead of always giving my solution to his problem.

It's a lot to chew on...but I am excited to begin putting it into practice.

Lastly, what I learned from my dear sis-in-law is that it DOES NOT get easier as they get older! Her oldest is about to enter high school, so she is much further down the road than I am. And she was kind enough to be transparent with me about their fears and struggles as they parent their older kids. As I was listening to her speak of their current issues, and I realized the extreme amounts of wisdom and tough love that is needed in those instances, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Hmm...today's squabble kind of pales in comparison!" I truly treasure her honesty and 'kick in the pants' if you will. I know I'll make more mistakes, but I kind of feel like I'm looking through different lenses now.