"Children, obey your parents..."

So, I have mentioned before that recently I have had to crack down on my 9 yr old son and his sassy, disrespectful mouth. Well, this morning, while we were driving to school, I asked him about his book report, which he has totally procrastinated about, and his replies were, again, very disrespectful. I let them slide, at that moment, because he was trying to get out of the car. But, as I thought about our conversation during the drive home, I began to fume! There were two specific things he had said to me, that were totally over the line! The first one came after he mumbled under his breath, "All the kids already have theirs half done, and I haven't even started!" and I calmly replied, "I'm sorry." His response was, "Is that all your going to say? I'm sorry?!" Oooo...not cool! His second punk statement was when I told him he had all spring break to work on it, and he should have used that time...His reply was, "Well, I forgot! You should have reminded me. You're my mom. That's your job!" WHAT?! I simply told him, "Don't tell me what my job is!" But it took everything in me not to reach over and slap that mouth!

I'm glad our conversation was left unfinished...because it gave me all day to think and pray about how I should approach both this morning's incident, as well as this problem of disrepectful speaking overall.

After school, when we came home, I told Mark to go get his Bible, and that we were going to talk. He was a bit confused, but complied. He came back down with his very own Bible, and I had mine, and we sat at the kitchen table to talk.

I asked him to open up to the book of Proverbs. I had him read to me Prov. 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Me: So, who is this passage talking to?
Mark: Parents
Me: And what is it commanding us to do?
Mark: Teach your kids, so that when they grow up they'll know how to obey.

Yes! I then explained to him that he is already halfway through his time here in this home! In another 9 short yrs, he will be out on his own! That reality came as a bit of a shock to him. I told him, he is in our care for a short time, and it is our job and our command to prepare him for when he enters the real world. And that is a job we take very seriously. I asked him to think about what he hears me say most often to his 2 younger siblings. He shrugged his shoulders, so I answered for him...Obey! Obey! Obey! I asked him why he thinks I'm always teaching them to obey...do I just like to be bossy? He said, no, it's so that they will know how to be good when they grow up. Yes! It's to prepare them to be obedient before GOD! I said, we spent the first 5 or 6 years of his life drilling the same lesson into him. And now, we are so proud of how obedient he has become. Even when he doesn't want to do what we say, he still obeys. And I told him how proud we are that he has such an obedient heart. We KNOW that inside, he wants to do what's right before us and before God. His eyes began to tear up, and so did mine. I told him, "Mark, I am confident that with this heart of obedience, you will be equipped to go out on your own someday and make right choices." I felt like he needed to know that.

BUT...I went on to say, our next challenge is his mouth...specifically, his desrespectful words. We read through several passages in Proverbs that reiterate again and again the importance of children heeding the instruction of their parents. Such as, Proverbs 1:8, "Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching." Over and over we read similar verses throughout Proverbs, and then flipped to Colossians 3:20, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." He started to chuckle at the repetitiveness of this concept.
Me: Why do you think the Bible repeats this over and over?
Mark: Because it's important.
Me: Yes! God is trying to tell children over and over until they really get it, that it is very serious for them to listen to the instruction of their parents. And if the words that the parents were saying weren't even important, then He wouldn't be stressing to you to LISTEN!

We then flipped to Ecclesiastes 3:7, "There is a time to be silent and a time to speak."
Me: After reading all those passages about children heeding their parent's instruction, when do you think would be a good time to be silent?
Mark: When you're teaching me stuff.
Me: Yes. And if we choose to not let you cut in and explain or give excuses, it's because we really want you to hear what we are trying to say.
Mark: OK.

It was at this point, I restated the 2 specific things he had said to me that morning, that were way over the line. I said, those 2 disrespectful remarks are very serious, so I am going to match them with a serious punishment. I told him I was going to spank him 2 times. But, since he is so big, and neither my hand nor the spoon are enough, I was going to use the belt. He totally lost it! He pitched a fit and begged for forgiveness the whole way up the stairs. But, I didn't budge. I really want to end this disrespectful attitude NOW! So, he got 2 whoopings. And then I held his tough, 95 lb frame and told him, "Let's not do this again, k?" "I promise, Mom! I won't!" "OK. But if you do, you will receive another spank for each disrepectful thing you say. And if you say them to Daddy, he will give you the spanks. And trust me, his spanks hurt a lot more than mine!" "Ok. Ok."
And that was it. We went down for a snack. And I hope and pray he understands the concept that a disrespectful attitude doesn't fly with God. And it will not fly in this home either. He's a very smart kid. I think he gets it. But I also know that the tongue is very hard to control, and unfortunately, I anticipate more of the same before we totally get past this issue. But follow-through and consistency are key. Just like when they are toddlers. Only, on a much larger scale at this point in the game. Phew! Thank you Lord for wisdom! Now, please bless my feeble efforts, and grow in my child a seed of respectfulness and godly fear. AMEN!