Layer by Layer

God is really working on me.
In other times in my life, He has forgiven, encouraged and inspired me. But this season in my life is one in which He is literally peeling back layers of my heart and bringing me through the uncomfortable task of facing inner frustration and anger that has resulted from day to day scars and hurts.

Anger toward people that have been unfair and hurtful. And even anger toward God, for letting those things happen. And for not always doing things the way I thought He should. I find that I have withheld my heart from Him, after witnessing some of the uglier parts of life. As if I need to protect my innermost from an untamed God.

Yes, He is untamed. In fact, He is wild to the core. Unconventional. And beyond mere human comprehension. Yet, He CAN be trusted. Even when it hurts. Or life doesn't seem fair. Even when my purest of intentions seem to be ignored, as God chooses to implement His own plan in my life. He is still faithful. And He has always been beckoning me to open those last stubborn layers that I've rebelliously locked in place. I've felt that tug. Almost daily. And I've tried to appease it by faithfully attending church, by engrossing our schedule with ministry (which I truly love to be involved in!) and by sending up prayers to God like, "Lord, change me. Make me right with You." But, I haven't actually allowed Him to come closer than arm's length. Until now. No wonder my walk with the Lord has been so frustrating! Until we give Him our all we cannot receive HIS ALL!

I plan to more accurately explain what I mean in the following posts, because there are some amazing snippets of scripture that have hit me hard, like driving a wedge between those layers to reveal the mess beneath. And I want to share them with...well, whoever reads this. (Thank you, Dad, for being my faithful reader!) But, even more important, I want to document my journey. So I never forget what God has done. Meantime, here are a few phrases from my bible study that stand out to me:

"Trust God to bring about His best outcome in life's circumstances."

"Our esteem is wrapped up in our faith that we are established by an Almighty God to accomplish His purposes."

"The anointed life engages daily and normal activities in a supernatural way."

"The Enemy is already defeated and your victory is already guaranteed."

"Faith means we act in accordance with what we know [scripture]."

"One of the most incredible benefits of having God's Spirit is access to the ear of God."

"God can bless our lives profoundly for our pure-hearted plans even when He can't, for kindom reasons, bless our idea."

"Every inch of ground we refuse to take with God, we surrender to the Enemy. Satan has no greater agenda than to talk you and me into believing that God is not good after all."

"We are safe both to bring the heights of our ecstatic joys to God and find company and to bring Him the depths of our ugliest emotions and find healing."

All of these phrases are taken from my current bible study, "Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A study of David," by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur.