Whenever we watch Cinderella, Marina calls the wicked step-mother the 'Mean Mommy.' And today I'm feeling like the 'Mean Mommy'!!! My oldest son is 9 going on 19! And I'm finding myself fumbling around in the dark, trying to figure out how to talk to him, without it culminating into an argument...and I'm trying to figure out how to build a strong relationship with him, when his love languages are so very foreign to me!
I grew up with a bunch of emotional sisters. So, I am accustomed to showing and receiving love through words of affirmation and lots of physical affection. When Ryan and I haven't gotten along all day, he knows that just simply reaching over and squeezing my hand is enough to tell me, "Hey, today was rough, but I still love you, and it will all be okay." That's how I communicate and receive love.
So, when my son pushes me away when I'm trying to give him a hug before bed, or when we've been arguing in the car, and I reach over to squeeze his hand (trying to reassure him that Mommy still loves you!) and he yanks his hand away and tells me that he's not a baby....What am I to do?!?! It rips my heart out!
Before school today we got into another scuffle of words. I tried so hard to keep it calm and 'from-one-heart-to-another.' I even prefaced it with, "Mark, I'm saying all this because I love you and I want to help you. Not because I want an argument. So please really hear me out." But, of course, as words were released, and emotions began to rise, it turned into another ugly exchange. And when we headed out to the car to drive to school, he chose to sit in the back seat instead of his usual passenger seat. And there were no words spoken the entire way. And he just got out of the car and didn't look back! No emotion there! When did my kid get so good at shutting me out?? I almost lost it right there in the parking lot!
Things are so much easier when your kids are little, and they love to snuggle and show off and please you. And when they disobey, and you give them a little swat on the tush, they cry and run to you for comfort, and you have that bonding moment. It seemed so routine, and even silly, back then. But now, I'd give anything to have that simplicity back!
I'm not trying to be my kids' best friend. I realize that is a wrong approach for parents. But, I do want to have a strong relationship established at his young age...so that when we hit really rough waters, during the teen years, we have something solid to stand on. I just don't quite know how to establish that strong relationship now. HOW???
Mark has it with Daddy. They can relate simply because they are male. Daddy understands Mark's interest in adventure and danger and sweat and blood. Daddy is the fun one who rents video games and plays 4 square till their fingers bleed and makes all Mark's friends laugh. Me?? I'm just the 'Mean Mommy.' And, according to our conversation this morning, "I just don't understand," "I can't remember that far back to when I was a kid," "kids are different now," and my ideas "will never work." Aye! This is really hard.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
I need a nap!
This has been a pretty rough few weeks for us! Not because anything negative has happened. It's just been non-stop for us, and I'm very worn out! Just the normal weekly activities include work, watching Emma full-time, getting my kids dressed & fed, lunches packed, driving to and from school, basketball practice, playdates, Women's Bible study, Men's Breakfast, Girls' night out, leading Saturday night Kid's Connection, etc, etc...phew! Ryan and I are so exhausted!
Then we added Easter rehearsals, which Mark and Marina were apart of (I will post the video shortly...so adorable!), and birthday parties and a field trip that Ryan helped chaperone for Mark's class, and a baby shower for his teacher, which meant pulling out my sewing machine to whip up a special blanket (so fun!), and there were lots of drama rehearsals for a human video Mark and his friends performed for a talent show in class...and then there was this past Sunday, where he and his friends had the opportunity to perform that same drama for the kids' service (I will post this video soon, as well), and then back to church Sunday night to help run a Kid's Night Out, which was really an attempt to bring some sort of order to about 150 kids, ages 3 thru j-hi, in the gym...whew! Somehow we pulled it off! Then we ended the night with dinner out with our Children's pastor and his wife and 2 darling little girls, who Marina adores...and we didn't get home till very late.
It's not so much the activity itself that is exhausting. It's physically lifting my little kids in and out of the carseats, trying to keep track of them wherever we go, and trying to keep them behaved and entertained all at the same time, while hoping there won't be a dirty diaper somewhere in the mix that I have to drop everything, and lug all the kids to a bathroom to change. That is what is so draining! So I decided to make today (Monday) a day off for all of us! No school. No early morning rush. Just a chill and recoup day. It was very much needed! In a couple weeks we will be taking our mini-vacay for Spring break to a nearby indoor waterpark. I really can't wait! We need some serious chill time. xoxo
Then we added Easter rehearsals, which Mark and Marina were apart of (I will post the video shortly...so adorable!), and birthday parties and a field trip that Ryan helped chaperone for Mark's class, and a baby shower for his teacher, which meant pulling out my sewing machine to whip up a special blanket (so fun!), and there were lots of drama rehearsals for a human video Mark and his friends performed for a talent show in class...and then there was this past Sunday, where he and his friends had the opportunity to perform that same drama for the kids' service (I will post this video soon, as well), and then back to church Sunday night to help run a Kid's Night Out, which was really an attempt to bring some sort of order to about 150 kids, ages 3 thru j-hi, in the gym...whew! Somehow we pulled it off! Then we ended the night with dinner out with our Children's pastor and his wife and 2 darling little girls, who Marina adores...and we didn't get home till very late.
It's not so much the activity itself that is exhausting. It's physically lifting my little kids in and out of the carseats, trying to keep track of them wherever we go, and trying to keep them behaved and entertained all at the same time, while hoping there won't be a dirty diaper somewhere in the mix that I have to drop everything, and lug all the kids to a bathroom to change. That is what is so draining! So I decided to make today (Monday) a day off for all of us! No school. No early morning rush. Just a chill and recoup day. It was very much needed! In a couple weeks we will be taking our mini-vacay for Spring break to a nearby indoor waterpark. I really can't wait! We need some serious chill time. xoxo
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Celebrating Mom
I'm a little late on this one...but I wanted to make sure to get this post up! A couple weekends ago, we sisters decided to kidnap Mom for a sleepover at a hotel. We thought it might be a good way to celebrate her birthday and spend special time with her before her surgery. So, we met up at the Embassy Suites in Shaumburg. We ordered the birthday package as well. So, when Mom entered the room, she was greeted by balloons, flowers, and a beautiful cake.
We had such a blast! Mom opened gifts from us all, and in her typical way, took a half hour looking at each one and telling us stories that it reminded her of, etc...You know Mom! We sang Happy Birthday to her, and even made her say a wish before she blew out the candles! It was such a special time, because anyone who knows my mom knows that she is always putting others before herself. She always seems to find a way to take the attention off herself and serve others. So, this time she was forced to sit there and let us celebrate her! Even in cheesy ways, like singing Happy Birthday and blowing out candles! LOL!
After dinner, which we ordered in (how glamorous of us!), we set up our own personal spa. Candles, soft music, vibrating foot soakers, etc... It was such a relaxing time for Mom, which she is long overdue for. She works the night shift, on her feet, as a CNA for the cancer unit in a hospital in Rockford. This was LONG OVERDUE!!!
At about 11pm, we suited up and headed down to the pool area, where we sat in the hot tub till they kicked us out at closing time. Ahhh!!! So wonderful! Then, when we got back into the room, I'm not sure what got into us, but suddenly we got the crazies! We took turns coming out from behind the drapes and dancing as silly as we could. And when Mom took her turn...OMG! We laughed till we cried! Her groove put us all to shame! We have every last silly second of it on videotape, but I promised Mom I wouldn't put it online. LOL.
After we wore ourselves out, laughing and grooving, we pushed the 2 queen sized beds together (I bet the housekeeping staff loved that!) to create one big bed, and we snuggled with our Mom and watched the video of our silliness. What a crazy, silly, and very special night with our Mom! We decided to do this every year for her birthday. Hmm...better practice my moonwalk!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
"The LORD will protect you from all harm..."
Wow! This week was quite a journey for me! I'm not quite sure I can accurately explain the incredible lessons the Lord has taught me over the past few days...but I'll try! It's too good to skip journaling!
I'm participating in a Beth Moore study about the Psalms of Ascent. Specifically, Psalm 120-134. First off.....AMAZING!!! I never knew such morsels of artistry were hidden in these passages! Psalm 120 describes the traveler (person on pilgrimage to worship in Jerusalem) expressing his current conditions. He lives in a faraway land filled with deceit and conflict, and he is longing to return to Jerusalem. He is allowing himself a pity party. I may not live or work among people who cause conflict, but I recognized that I live among my own self doubt and insecurity. I often doubt my faith and my ability as a mother, wife, and effective Christian woman. I love the part in verses 3 & 4: "What will He give you, and what will He do to you, you deceitful tongue? A warrior's sharp arrows, with burning charcoal!" If I were to personalize these phrases, it would look like this: "What will He do to you, you self-doubt and deceitful insecurities? A warrior's sharp arrows with burning charcoal!" How powerful! To see my own negative thoughts be crushed by God's truth! Amazing!
Then we moved on to chapter 121. And it was here that I had the most struggle:
1 I raise my eyes towrd the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
your Protector will not slumber.
4 Indeed, the Protector of Israel
does not slumber or sleep.
5 The LORD protects you;
the LORD is a shelter right by your side.
6The sun will not strike you by day,
or the moon by night.
7 The LORD will protect you from all harm;
He will protect your life.
8 The LORD will protect your coming and going
both now and forever.
OK, so I get the part about Him never sleeping or slumbering. He never looks away. That is quite powerful in itself! My sister worded it this way, in a recent email: "Jesus alluded to feeling forsaken by the Father, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' And I believe he was spiritually despondent as 'he who knew no sin became sin for us' and was cursed. For the first time, God the Father had to turn his head away from God the Son. But he did it 'so that we would become the righteousness of God.' What that means to me is that Christ went to the greatest lengths to ensure I would never see the Father turn his head away from me." Amen! And praise Him!
But the part that I kept getting stuck on was verses 7 & 8, "The LORD will protect you from all harm; He will protect your life. The LORD will protect your coming and going both now and forever." It was very difficult for me to believe that, when I've seen harm fall upon people of faith. Whether it's cancer or tragic death or even persecution for faith. So, how could that scripture be true??
Well, I am blessed to have women of faith in my life. And these are the women I turned to with this question. And they certainly helped me understand! I have come to the conclusion that Psalms 121 was referring to the spiritual self...rather than the physical self. Oops! How narrow minded was I?? LOL!!
I realize how physical minded we are in our culture. Yet, as these Psalms were being penned, the Israelites had come out of captivity. Slavery. They had undergone harsh treatment and generations of longing for their own home. Yet, they could still honestly say, the LORD is our Protector. They obviously understood something I did not. No matter what our physical being may endure, nothing...NOTHING...can destroy the covenant that God has made with our soul.
Again, think back to the New Testament church. As my sister reminded me, Jesus, along with every disciple (except John), was killed for their faith. Living for the LORD in that time meant tough living conditions. Pain. Discomfort. Even persecution. Yet, again, they knew that NOTHING could separate us from that covenant with God. Our salvation is secure.So...this is how I have related that to my life today: we live in a culture where it is believed that PAIN=BAD or PAIN=GOD IS NOT HERE. After all, if I would not wish painful or uncomfortable circumstances on my own kids, then how could God allow those things for us?? But, I'm learning that rather than GOD changing His parenting style (LOL!), perhaps I need to change MINE!
Yes, we are so focused on providing a posh lifestyle for ourselves or our kids and protecting them from uncomfortable situations. Yet, perhaps I can learn from God to allow those uncomfortable situations, or even pain, be apart of our lives. Perhaps PAIN=BLESSING??? I think so. But, whoa! How opposite my natural thinking!
And then, as I approach my own attitude, I guess I am now viewing God in a new way! I finally understand HOW he is our Protector! Here is an excerpt from the Beth Moore study that first prompted this topic. I underlined it about a thousand times! LOL! It says:
"In Matthew 10:28, Christ said, 'Don't fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul.' I'm human just like you, and these words can seem like small consolation as we travel this dangerous turf. But when our eyes are truly opened and we see all the ways hell rose against us, the Devil wanted us, and God hid us in the shadow of His wings, we will drop on our knees and worship the Maker of heaven and earth."
Holy Smokes! The REAL dangers are in the spiritual realm! And I may never know all the times God has hid me under His wing and protected me from those scary spiritual attacks. Lord! Forgive me for EVER doubting you as my Protector! This has obviously been very sobering for me. Lots to chew on here!
I'm participating in a Beth Moore study about the Psalms of Ascent. Specifically, Psalm 120-134. First off.....AMAZING!!! I never knew such morsels of artistry were hidden in these passages! Psalm 120 describes the traveler (person on pilgrimage to worship in Jerusalem) expressing his current conditions. He lives in a faraway land filled with deceit and conflict, and he is longing to return to Jerusalem. He is allowing himself a pity party. I may not live or work among people who cause conflict, but I recognized that I live among my own self doubt and insecurity. I often doubt my faith and my ability as a mother, wife, and effective Christian woman. I love the part in verses 3 & 4: "What will He give you, and what will He do to you, you deceitful tongue? A warrior's sharp arrows, with burning charcoal!" If I were to personalize these phrases, it would look like this: "What will He do to you, you self-doubt and deceitful insecurities? A warrior's sharp arrows with burning charcoal!" How powerful! To see my own negative thoughts be crushed by God's truth! Amazing!
Then we moved on to chapter 121. And it was here that I had the most struggle:
1 I raise my eyes towrd the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
your Protector will not slumber.
4 Indeed, the Protector of Israel
does not slumber or sleep.
5 The LORD protects you;
the LORD is a shelter right by your side.
6The sun will not strike you by day,
or the moon by night.
7 The LORD will protect you from all harm;
He will protect your life.
8 The LORD will protect your coming and going
both now and forever.
OK, so I get the part about Him never sleeping or slumbering. He never looks away. That is quite powerful in itself! My sister worded it this way, in a recent email: "Jesus alluded to feeling forsaken by the Father, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' And I believe he was spiritually despondent as 'he who knew no sin became sin for us' and was cursed. For the first time, God the Father had to turn his head away from God the Son. But he did it 'so that we would become the righteousness of God.' What that means to me is that Christ went to the greatest lengths to ensure I would never see the Father turn his head away from me." Amen! And praise Him!
But the part that I kept getting stuck on was verses 7 & 8, "The LORD will protect you from all harm; He will protect your life. The LORD will protect your coming and going both now and forever." It was very difficult for me to believe that, when I've seen harm fall upon people of faith. Whether it's cancer or tragic death or even persecution for faith. So, how could that scripture be true??
Well, I am blessed to have women of faith in my life. And these are the women I turned to with this question. And they certainly helped me understand! I have come to the conclusion that Psalms 121 was referring to the spiritual self...rather than the physical self. Oops! How narrow minded was I?? LOL!!
I realize how physical minded we are in our culture. Yet, as these Psalms were being penned, the Israelites had come out of captivity. Slavery. They had undergone harsh treatment and generations of longing for their own home. Yet, they could still honestly say, the LORD is our Protector. They obviously understood something I did not. No matter what our physical being may endure, nothing...NOTHING...can destroy the covenant that God has made with our soul.
Again, think back to the New Testament church. As my sister reminded me, Jesus, along with every disciple (except John), was killed for their faith. Living for the LORD in that time meant tough living conditions. Pain. Discomfort. Even persecution. Yet, again, they knew that NOTHING could separate us from that covenant with God. Our salvation is secure.So...this is how I have related that to my life today: we live in a culture where it is believed that PAIN=BAD or PAIN=GOD IS NOT HERE. After all, if I would not wish painful or uncomfortable circumstances on my own kids, then how could God allow those things for us?? But, I'm learning that rather than GOD changing His parenting style (LOL!), perhaps I need to change MINE!
Yes, we are so focused on providing a posh lifestyle for ourselves or our kids and protecting them from uncomfortable situations. Yet, perhaps I can learn from God to allow those uncomfortable situations, or even pain, be apart of our lives. Perhaps PAIN=BLESSING??? I think so. But, whoa! How opposite my natural thinking!
And then, as I approach my own attitude, I guess I am now viewing God in a new way! I finally understand HOW he is our Protector! Here is an excerpt from the Beth Moore study that first prompted this topic. I underlined it about a thousand times! LOL! It says:
"In Matthew 10:28, Christ said, 'Don't fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul.' I'm human just like you, and these words can seem like small consolation as we travel this dangerous turf. But when our eyes are truly opened and we see all the ways hell rose against us, the Devil wanted us, and God hid us in the shadow of His wings, we will drop on our knees and worship the Maker of heaven and earth."
Holy Smokes! The REAL dangers are in the spiritual realm! And I may never know all the times God has hid me under His wing and protected me from those scary spiritual attacks. Lord! Forgive me for EVER doubting you as my Protector! This has obviously been very sobering for me. Lots to chew on here!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Another Girls' Night
Twice a month, some close gal pals and I get together for a Girls' Night. I LOVE these women, because they can identify with my experiences as a young mother. Our times together are filled with lots of laughs, tasty snacks, and the sharpening of spirits. I feel like we can share with each other on a gut-level, and that is something I treasure deeply! This week, we decided to create a beach-theme, in hopes that it will help us tolerate this loooong winter a little more easily. We had favorite beachside snacks, like shrimp cocktail and hawaian bread with spinach dip...we were treated to strawberry, blueberry, banana smoothies...and we indulged in some fun beach-decorated cupcakes (thanks Kristi!) We played a custom board game that had us laughing ourselves silly, as we answered questions about the 'glamorous' life of motherhood. And then we ended the night with a heart to heart message from Sarah Jane. Some of our friends couldn't make it, and they were greatly missed! One such friend, just happened to be vacationing on the real beach with her hubby. So we created a special message for her:
Thursday, March 6, 2008
My Mom is okay.
Thank you, everyone, for all your heartfelt prayers! Mom successfully pulled through surgery yesterday. She had an egg-sized tumor removed from her thyroid gland. It was so attached that they ended up having to remove half her gland as well. But, after further tests, NO cancer was detected! Praise God! I took Reese with me last night to visit her at the hospital up in Rockford. She was very weak, but was able to squeeze our hands. Reese and I picked out a 'Get Well' balloon in the gift shop, and he proudly presented it to her, along with the cards that he and the other kids had created. It was so powerful to have lots of family members in that small room, surrounding her, and taking turns whispering into her ear, and just letting her know that we were all there to support her and love on her. Thank You, God, for family. Thank You for your healing touch. And thank You for giving Mom more time on this earth. That she is still here drawing terrestrial breath tells me that You still have appointments for her. It is proof that You have more lives for her to touch and more plans for her to fulfill. Praise You, Jesus!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
It's official!
Yes. It's official! My 9yr old son can officially beat me in arm wrestling. Holy smokes! I think I just entered an entirely new realm of parenthood! No longer are spankings and physical strength a factor. Now we enter the battle of the minds. Hmmm...this could get interesting. LOL. Good thing I have an extremely obedient child. He's really a special kid...A special kid that can whoop on mommy in arm wrestling!
